Hey! It’s your girl Critical Eye, coming to you today to vent. Today’s vent: Literary Trolls

What’s a Literary Troll?

A Literary Troll is a failed writer who stalks the social networking sites looking for successful authors they can pick at and on in an effort to make thesmelves feel better, instead of feeling like the failures they are. Before I go any further, let me define a failed writer: One who has tried for years to get published by mainly the big six, but because their writing isn’t good enough, this hasn’t happened. They’ve tried to self-publish but those sales flopped too and they are angry. While there may be many failed writers, literary torlls hold special characteristics:

1) They are narcissistic.

2) They are sarcastic.

3) They join social groups they have no experience in just so they could look for someone to attack.

4) They don’t have a job or a life and spend every waking moment on social networking sites.

5) They are so bitter that they attack any and every writer they see that has a possible leg up on them.

6) They try to give advice about publishing and writing but half the time their advice is wrong.

7) They attack you if you try to correct them.

8) They criticize constantly instead of trying to teach and be helpful.

9) They go around spreading lies about you although, they have no personal experience with you.

10) They are so addicted to wanting you to fail, but their curiosity gets the best of them and they buy your book, not realizing they are supporting you and not hurting you.

As writers, we’ve all come across literary trolls. They can’t help themselves. They just have to attack. They are so degrading, that they turn what should be a socially pleaseant marketing experience into a negative one. They are so annoying that we leave groups, just so we don’t have to deal with them. If you’re lucky, the group manager blocks them, but most times you’re not that lucky.

Freedom of Speech and the Internet has drawn out and provided the ignorant with an outlet to annoy us all. We can’t market our books because of these trolls! We can’t voice our opinions because of these trolls! We can’t even give a compliment to a fellow writer because of these trolls! Something has got to give! Sadly, the social networks just tell us to ignore them. Ignore them? That’s like telling me to walk away from someone who just slapped me. It’s not going to happen! Ignoring them is not realistic, espeically once they become stalkers.

So what do you do? Keep being successful. The more successful you become, the angrier they get. Don’t run, don’t hide, instead welcome the hate. The more they hate you, the better they make you. They draw attention to you and your website. Everybody needs a hobby and you’re theirs. I know it’s annoying, but those trolls aren’t going anywhere. Which is just fine with me, because if they can use freedom of speech, so can I.

Until next time-Critical Eye!

The other day, I came across a request from a writer who had written a book and was upset because no publishers had come running and begging to publish her book. They had supposedly been talking about it all over the net and even sent some publishers a letter of inquiry. No one had bit. They even tried agents and went through the same process and even they didn’t bite. They were truly upset and confused at the fact that neither agent or publisher had begged to see more!

This is as bad as the writers who I’ve heard walk up in some publishing houses swearing they’ve created the next best thing since butter. Can we scream vanity! It’s no wonder publishers don’t take unsolicited manuscripts. Some of you are the worst with your over confident ass attitudes. What happened to being humble? This writer wanted suggestions on how to get the publishers and agents attention aside from throwing a tantrum and getting madder than they were. They swore they had written a book that would:

1) bring world wide attention to the publisher (even more if well known)

2) make both them and the publisher very rich (richer if the publisher is well known)

If they got an agent it would be the same thing. They swore that the world, the publisher and the agent NEED their book. Really? They need your book? No, I think you need to sit down and take a lesson in a few things:

1) Humility. Confidence is one thing, cockiness is another. No publisher wants to work with a cocky ass author. That’s as bad as working with a cocky ass musician. Cocky equals difficult and high maintenance. Nobody wants to deal with that especially if the only one whose sworn and know that they’ve made it-is you.

2) Publishers don’t run, they walk. No publisher is going to run up to you and go, “Oh my God! Oh my God! You did it, you’ve written a book! Can I have it please? Can I have it please?” If they happen to get a wind that you’ve written something great and it fits within their mold, they will approach you, but only do it once. Twice if you’re lucky, after that they will move on to someone else. No publisher is going to beg you for your manuscript. They don’t need your book, they want it. They don’t want it bad enough to go through hoops to get it from you. The attitude is that, maybe your book really isn’t for their company. So come off your high horse with this attitude that a publisher should run to you. Why should they, when there are writers who they can walk to or will run and walk to them.

3) No publisher or agent may want it because it sucks. Yes, I said it: Your writing sucks! This is a hard pill for most writers to swallow but nine out of ten times, it’s true. This is why self-publishing was invented. It was invented for those with crappy books to still get an opportunity to be published. Most writers don’t want to get their books edited properly and they don’t take constructive criticism. They are too emotionally attached to their books and don’t know how to take good advice. So if you’ve sent your book to a publisher or an agent and they didn’t respond or in this case-come running and begging, it’s probably because your writing sucks. Some publishers and agents will tell you, some won’t.

If you want your book to be taken serious and considered for traditional publishing, there are a few things you need to do:

1) Change your attitude. Come to the table less cocky, more humble. Humble does not mean ass kissing, it just means coming to the table a lot nicer and bringing down your ego a huge notch.

2) Get a professional to look at your book before you send it to a publisher or an agent. I said professional! I didn’t say your mother, your aunt, your grandmother or your next door neighbor, I said a professional. One with experience in the business of publishing and books. This may mean you having to spend some money to get it looked at, but if you can spend money on a new outfit or a new hairdo, you can spend money on getting a professional critique of your manuscript.

3)  Make sure it’s professionally edited. Yes, there goes that word-professional-again. There are a few editing services out there, some are better than others. You need to do your research to find the best for your manuscript. The point is that you still need to have it professionally edited. I talked to an author the other day who said that when she submitted her manuscript to the publisher they were excited and took it almost immediately because they saw she had done the right thing and had it edited. They were thrilled at the fact that it didn’t need any more editing and that it was ready to go.

Being humble and being professionally prepared will bring you much further than being cocky and unprepared. While you will not have publishers and agents running to you, it may have them walking. Besides, walking is better than running anway, no worries about tripping and falling.

Until my eye sees again!